


Delirium and Reverence, With A Side of Savior Complex

by halogenmoonlight, Hedge_Cock



Series: Phantom Delusion AU [1]
Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Delirium, Emotional Manipulation, First Kiss, Kissing, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mind Manipulation, Self-Harm, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:28:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28387800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halogenmoonlight/pseuds/halogenmoonlight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hedge_Cock/pseuds/Hedge_Cock
Summary: After Delusion!Sonic gets his source of power taken away from him, he vanishes without a trace.  That is, until he appears on Shadow's doorstep one early morning.  He doesn't seem like himself...(Prequel to The Illusion of You)(Rated M for mentions of violence, descriptions of self-inflicted wounds, and depictions of delirium.)
Relationships: Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog
Series: Phantom Delusion AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079063
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Delirium and Reverence, With A Side of Savior Complex

Shadow had been caught off guard, which was already a shock in itself. He certainly hadn’t expected to hear from the recently vanished blue hedgehog- Not after his episode with Tails. The fox had secured the ruby that was making Sonic act strange. Evidently, Sonic felt enraged and betrayed. He’d been told that Sonic fled the scene quickly after their screaming match and hadn’t been seen since.

And yet, the hedgehog was standing at his door. At three a.m., no less.

He certainly noticed that something was… off with the speedster’s demeanor. Maybe he was simply tired, but he seemed almost peaceful. It was extremely out of the ordinary. Shadow’s gaze flickered between Sonic’s green eyes and the hand he kept close to his chest, covering something.

“Hey,” he had said when Shadow opened his door, “Can we talk?” As if it were the most casual thing in the world.

Not wanting to turn his friend away when he was clearly in need, he stepped aside to let Sonic in. Instead of coming in, he rolled his shoulder.

“Actually, I was thinking about a run. Y’know. Old times’ sake.”

Shadow blinked, then nodded. He slipped on his skates and turned off the light in his home before stepping out to the darkness.

Sonic smiled gratefully before taking off, Shadow trailing behind him. Something about this felt different. They’d raced before, sure. They’d had plenty of heart-to-hearts over the years. Perhaps it was the tension. Sonic was likely feeling isolated, having just argued with his little brother for the first time in forever. He knew what loneliness was like. He decided to tread lightly with Sonic’s fragile emotional state. Even if he was wrong about the ruby- Even if he was a little delusional- He needed a friend right now.

Plus, Shadow always had a hard time denying the chance to be close to Sonic.

As he followed Sonic, it became clear that he had somewhere specific in mind. He wasn’t showing off or taunting him as usual. The troubled hedgehog simply headed straight across the landscape, only moving to avoid obstacles. He probably just wanted somewhere private to talk.

But he was no fool. If Sonic was as dangerous as Tails seemed to think he was, he’d still have to be on guard. As much as it hurt him to think about genuinely fighting Sonic again, he knew he’d do what he had to if it came to that.

Chaos, he really hoped Sonic just wanted to talk.

Before long, the two had traversed the wastes between the habitable land they called home and the ruins of the doctor’s old empire. What could Sonic possibly want out here? Maybe he wanted to talk about his guilt over being the doctor’s brutal end? Sonic seemed like the type to feel guilt over murder, even if it was arguably justified. Tails’ presence during that horrific event certainly complicated matters. The fox had already told Shadow his own version of the story- How one moment, the dictator was monologuing as usual, and the next, he was a bloodied pulp at Sonic’s feet.

Shadow shivered at the thought. At first, he’d had a hard time imagining the once great hero covered in his enemies’ blood. Now the imagery was vivid in his mind. It was wrong- Everything he knew about Sonic contradicted it, but he certainly trusted Tails’ account. The child had been horribly shaken by the incident, and Shadow couldn’t blame him.

But the more he thought about it, the more fascinated he was. What was going through Sonic’s head at that moment? How could he rationalize such an action in front of the one he wanted to protect most?

If he stuck around and listened, he might get the chance to see into Sonic’s thought process. He might get the chance to help him.

Right. That was why he wanted to be near him right now. Not because the wrongness excited him. Definitely not because the idea of his rival covered in blood and completely oblivious to any wrongdoing was fascinating in the worst possible way.

He wanted to help Sonic. That was all.

Shadow wasn’t prepared for Sonic’s sudden stop- if his reaction time were any slower, he would’ve barreled right into him. He silently scolded himself for letting his mind wander and his focus falter.

Sonic shrugged, loosening his shoulders- a nervous tic he’d picked up at some point. Shadow vaguely remembered the doctor having done something similar in the past. Back when he was alive.

“Well. Here we are!”

Shadow finally took in his surroundings- the ruins of an old Eggman Empire base. The whole area was drab and grey, bits of shrapnel and other debris littering the muddy ground. This base had been abandoned long before the doctor’s untimely demise; there were bits of extremely outdated badniks strewn about. Nature was attempting to retake the land, as sickly grass had started to poke through the garbage contaminating it. Sonic stood in front of an old tool shed, beckoning Shadow over to him.

“And why are we here, exactly?” Shadow finally spoke.

“Well, since you’re just like me, now! Or I’m just like you, I should say. Heh…” He put his hands behind his head in an attempt to imitate one of his own trademark behaviors. What the fuck was he talking about? Sonic didn’t pause, leaving no room for Shadow to question what the hell he meant, “‘M not smart enough to call it a ‘lab’, but it’s where the ‘thinking’ happens. Though, ‘it’ did most of the work for me.” He frowned, looking around as if he’d misplaced something he’d just had moments ago.

He wasn’t making any sense. Was he completely deranged? He was clearly talking about the ruby, now…

With Sonic’s hands finally not covering his chest, Shadow could see what he had been hiding. Dozens of claw marks and scratches marked his upper body- most of them concentrated around his heart. Concern flashed across Shadow’s face. Fuck. He needed help.

Sonic’s face morphed into a reflection of an emotion Shadow knew all too well. The loneliness on his beautiful face, the pain in his body- It made Shadow sick. How could this have happened to his hero?

“It’s fine. Bad dreams, that’s all.”

‘Bullshit’, Shadow thought to himself. He stayed quiet, not wanting to upset Sonic any more.

“But… at least  _ you’re _ not gonna tell me I’m wrong to call myself a hero.” Sonic’s thoughts were completely disconnected. Had the others told him he wasn’t a hero anymore? “Anyways, it’s just kinda where I live.” He shrugged again, flashing a weak smile. “When Tails isn’t forcing me to sleep for his science projects. -But come on! I’ll show you inside!” He turned quickly, placing a hand on the knob and opening the door to the shed. “I love it here! It’s where I run to when I need to hide.”

He’d mentioned Tails, but not the incident that brought him out here in the first place. Was he experiencing memory loss, too? Or maybe his jumpy train of thought had completely skipped those recent events?

As they entered the shed, Shadow gently prodded at his memory.

“How long have you been coming here?”

Sonic blinked, frowning. “It used to be a clubhouse, then something happened. Now I’m staying here for a while.”

That didn’t answer his question. And he was avoiding the specifics of the incident, too.

“What happened?” He cautiously pushed Sonic to remember on his own. He knew that being told something happened when you had no memory of it was horrifying. Especially something like a major argument.

When Sonic stared blankly at him for seconds on end, he pushed a little harder.

“Did something happen with Tails?” He asked as gently as possible.

He tilted his head for a moment before recognition sparked in his eyes.

“He took it!” He shouted suddenly, “He took my heart away! What kind of brother would do that? I thought I raised him better than that!”

Shadow was taken aback by the jump in volume. Sonic paced around the small shed, fidgeting with his hands.

“Your heart..?” Shadow had a bad feeling he knew what Sonic meant by that.

“My heart!” He repeated, and he slammed an open hand over his scratched chest. “I can’t live without my heart, that’s why I’m so messed up right now! Nothing makes sense, none of my feelings are right, because Tails took my heart!”

Fuck. Shadow didn’t know how to help someone with delusions like this. He knew he wasn’t supposed to enable the delusion, but what  _ was _ he supposed to do?

“Sonic, please breathe. I’m here to help.”

“You’ll help get my heart back?” The raw desperation and joy in his voice nearly made Shadow cry.

“I’m here to help you,” he remained nonspecific. He wasn’t sure  _ how _ he was going to help, but he would.

“Tails still has it, it’s still alive, my heart… I can feel it calling to me, still!”

“It will be okay. What do you mean, ‘calling’ to you?”

“It’s in my head, I can still hear it beating. That’s how I’m still alive.”

He was still connected to the ruby, then. Even this far away. And his mental state was only going to deteriorate like this. Shadow tried to assess his options. If the ruby was destroyed, there was no telling how Sonic would react. If it was kept away from him, he’d slowly go insane. If he got it back, who knew what he would do with the power? But at least he’d be coherent… Shit, he had to do _ something _ . 

“I’ll talk to Tails. We’ll see what we can do to help you.”

“He won’t listen, he’s gone crazy. He thinks he’s helping me by killing me!”

“He might listen to me,” Shadow reassured him, “He knows that I care about you.”

Sonic looked away for several moments, zoning out. He clutched at his chest, looking to close a wound that wasn’t there. “I think I’m dying.”

Fear jolted through him, and Shadow closed the distance between them, hoping to ease some of Sonic’s delusion-induced panic.

“I won’t let you die, Sonic.” He couldn’t. He couldn’t lose Sonic. No matter what.

Sonic wrapped his arms around Shadow and buried his face into his shoulder. He murmured unintelligible things into his fur, but Shadow just held him tightly. When Shadow moved away just slightly, Sonic didn’t stop talking; it seemed uncontrollable.

“Where did the rest of me go? Where did it go? I lost a part of me, and my brother took it, my own brother. I loved him, I trusted him- How could he do this to me? He knew how important it was to me. Why don’t they understand? I just wanted to make everything better, Shadow. I just wanted everyone to be happy. Why don’t they want to be happy?”

“Ssh…” he hummed, quieting Sonic’s feverish chatter. “I know. It’s horrible. You’ll be okay. We’ll fix this. You’ll be back to normal soon, okay?” He’d say almost anything to make Sonic feel better. None of this was his fault; he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was all because of that ruby.

“Thank you,” he muttered, leaning into Shadow, “I love you.” Before Shadow could even process what the hell he had just said, Sonic rushed forward and locked their lips together.

Holy shit. He was kissing him.

_ Holy shit. ‘I love you’!? _

He reached behind Sonic’s head and pressed him closer. Oh, Chaos, he felt the same! His own heart was hammering as his eyes fluttered closed. He was so nice and warm. He squirmed with the same need and anxiety that Shadow felt. Sonic’s arms searched for a place to rest and managed to eventually choose his hips as their home. Shadow cradled the other, desperate to make all the agony melt away from his hero’s mind. As he ran his spare hand up and down Sonic’s back, the blue hedgehog quietly whined.

Shadow felt dizzy.

They separated for air out of necessity, pressing their foreheads together as they panted. Shadow was the first to speak.

“I… I love you, too.”

For the first time in a  _ long _ time, Sonic genuinely smiled. Holy shit, he’d give anything to see him smile like that forever. He was perfect. He was infallible.

Shadow’s head spun. Sonic took hold of his hands and guided him over to his air mattress, laying him down to recover. Sonic lay down next to him, lovingly running his hands across Shadow’s body. Shadow couldn’t move for minutes; he simply basked in the glow of realizing that his feelings were mutual.

He loved Sonic.

Sonic loved him back.

_ Wow. _

He didn’t deserve this. And yet, here it was. His first love- His hero- had kissed him.

He looked down at Sonic’s chest, cross-hatched with bloodied scratches. It made his heart ache for him.

All those years ago, Sonic had saved him from himself. He nearly laughed aloud at the irony of it all. He supposed it was about time he returned that favor.


End file.
